And so I begin....

Welcome to my life. This may not always be an interesting read, but I promise to always be honest.
This is not going to be easy for me - I am a very private person and I tend to keep both my opinions and my emotions to myself. But after the loss of my grandfather last week, I did some self-evaluation and decided that I needed to change a few things. For instance, I need to open up and let some of my feelings and thoughts out. I never cry or allow anyone to see me hurt; I just push those feelings down and lock them away for fear that I will be seen as weak. The more I lock the pain away, the harder it is to keep it contained and eventually, it turns to anger. Anger is stronger than pain so it breaks free, and I lash out at everyone around me.
This pattern has repeated itself my entire life, but I think it is time that it stopped. And this is the first step.

My Grandfather - Papa.
Papa lived to be 94 years old. He and my grandmother (Nana) were married for 65 years. He was one of 7 children, 4 of which are still alive. Most of his siblings had several children, but my father was an only child, and he only had my sister and me. Papa may not have had a very large family, but he had a very large heart. He always gave to others, even when he didn't have much to give. He served in World War II and retired from GM after more than 20 years, though he did not stop working. Throughout my childhood, he worked at a golf course keeping the greens. He worked there until just a handful of years ago and still could not be slowed down; he was still climbing ladders to clean out the gutters on the house last year.
He was thoughtful and brilliant and funny. And I miss him terribly. I can't imagine life without him.
As the saying goes, life goes on. And I will go on, though a piece of my heart was buried with Papa. He will remain in my thoughts at all times and I will constantly strive to be as good as he was, through and through.